Heart Check by Denise Goosby

Roses in the shape of a heart.

I forget how fragile my heart can be.

Not just the one that beats inside my chest.

That has its own fragility, yes.

If it stops, I cease to exist this side of heaven.

 

The heart that shepherds my mind, will, and thoughts…

Well, it is even more delicate.

It has been broken many times.

A careless word here, an off-hand comment there.

A promise broken. A hope deferred.

 

A hope deferred.

 

The cracks are numerous but tiny.

Sometimes, I barely notice them.

Sometimes.

I’ve gotten good at patching them up.

I’ve gotten good at wearing a mask,

That hides my broken heart.

 

Yet, the brokenness isn’t hidden from me.

Nor the pain.

My heart is deceitful and desperately wicked.

So wicked that it often ensnares me with its half lies

That don’t tell the whole story.

Of my brokenness.

Of my pain.

 

It’s so easy to say, “I’m fine.”

It’s so easy to say, I’m blessed.”

Especially when I am surrounded by people.

Like me…afraid to share my heart.

 

But I’ve gotten good at patching up the tiny cracks.

I’ve gotten really good at wearing a mask,

That hides my broken heart.

Except from me.

Except from my God.

 

I forget that the deception goes only so far.

I forget that there is still a hole in my heart.

I forget that a hole that is covered is still a hole.

In need of fixing, In need of mending.

In need of healing.

 

“I am close to those with a broken heart,” whispers the Voice.

“I will give you a soft heart for you heart of stone,” whispers the Voice.

“I will give you a heart like Mine,” whispers the Voice.

“I am the God who heals you,” whispers the Voice.

 

I am still—thoroughly arrested by this gentle Voice.

A healed heart—is that even possible?

I want to believe…

 

I think of all the times I’ve settled for less.

My futile attempts of covering the heart- hole with things and people—

Have only left me exhausted and unsatisfied–

Ashamed of what’s inside—

 

“Trust in Me with all your heart,” whispers the Voice.

“I will create in you a clean heart,” whispers the Voice.

“Let me help you guard and protect it from harm,” whispers the Voice.

“Love Me with all your heart. You won’t regret it,” whispers the Voice.

 

Even in my fear, I am undone.

I listen to the Voice.

I lay down my lies and my mask,

And offer my heart to the One who can heal me.

 

My journey of healing has begun…

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